Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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