I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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