is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
