It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
