when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
