I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
