Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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