why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
