I can text with my tongue
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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