Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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