its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
