I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
