Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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