it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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