New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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