we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
