Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
