i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
