I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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