she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
