My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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