Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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