He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
