hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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