Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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