Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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