Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
