Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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