Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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