I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
