She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
