My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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