sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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