The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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