one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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