just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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