According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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