Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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