i need an iv and a liver transplant
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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