So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
