shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
