Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize