you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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