Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
