i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
