Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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