If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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