Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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