I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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