yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
