You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
