she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
