Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize