I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you would pick up someone in the library
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
