i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
