wanna go halves on a baby?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
