MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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