if you like me you must not know who I am
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
