i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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