my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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