guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Moan for me like Helen Keller
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just high enough for therapy.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
