I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
