I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
