you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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