It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
