did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
