Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
