He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
