I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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