he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
