So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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