WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
