he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
high people should be assigned attendants
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
